All that I have found in reason, is reason just to not believe

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't take the person staring back at me

I sit next to this girl in philosophy class who's in love with her own name. She's always doodling her name over and over again in the margins of her notes. Sometimes I want to tell her that her name's not that great.

I went home over the weekend and got fucked up. I didn't really do anything on Friday, but on Saturday I hung out with Liz and Adam, plus two other boys I haven't seen in a while, and, besides smoking weed, we did almost 2 grams of meth. It was a lot of fun though. We went back to my house and stayed up all night playing cards, listening to music, and talking. Meth really is nothing like I though it would be.

I'm so tired, and I don't know why. I just feel totally drained of energy. Plus, I have no motivation to do anything. I just want to lie around all day and smoke cigarettes. It's been like this all week. I need to perk up or something, because this is not working out so well. Plus, I keep thinking about cutting. The cuts on my leg are almost healed, and that kind of makes me sad. I want new ones. I'm trying to resist, though.

I should be studying right now. I have two tests tomorrow that I have not prepared for at all. Oh well, guess I'll go watch some TV and maybe take a nap. Then I'll try to get down to business.

4:36 p.m. - 2006-02-08

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

self - destruct