All that I have found in reason, is reason just to not believe

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ballroom days are over, baby

Hm. I feel...weird. It's been a pretty decent week. My suitemate and my roommate both had their birthdays this week - my suitemate's was on Tuesday, and my roommate's was today, so it's been a pretty happy week and we've all been getting on fantastically. Last night we went to Target, and then we were going to go to the movies, but we were too late. So we rented a movie (Strangers with Candy) and grabbed some food from Sonic, and then went back to our rooms to watch the movie. After that, my roommate went to bed, but my two suitemates and I talked for, like, an hour and a half about, well, everything. Abortions and tampons and cramps and sex and...well, you get the point. Today, we all went out to eat, and then saw Because I Said So (which I loved - weird, because I usually dislike all things romantic). Then, as we were walking from the parking lot back to the dorm, one of my suitemates said something about how the parking garage hasn't helped the parking situation. I said I thought it had, but the incoming freshman class was huge so it kind of equaled out. Something else was said, and I started to say, "Well, I think if you get here in the mornings then parking really sucks, but it's pretty good in the afternoon," but before I could even say more than one or two words, my suitemate freaked out and stormed out before she "got upset." The three of us just kind of stared after her in a 'What the fuck?' kind of way. It pissed me off. She doesn't even have a car here, and it's not like we were having this heated discussion or anything about it, but she just freaked the fuck out, pretty much out of nowhere. But I guess it's probably just because we've been spending soooo much time together, and everyone needs some time apart sometime, right? I haven't been home since the weekend of the 20th, and we do basically everything together, so yeah. I'm trying not to get too pissed off, but I guess we'll just see what tomorrow brings, right?

Anyway...I haven't cut in a long time. But I thought about the other night. Thursday night, I think. I was lying in bed, trying to ignore my roommate who decided to wait until 10:30 to do her homework, which I do, too, but I usually leave the room or turn my lamp on if she's going to sleep. Anyway, I was trying to ignore her and the light, just lying there thinking about random things and all of a sudden I started thinking about going into the bathroom and making one good cut on my wrist, just to watch it bleed. I didn't do it, probably because I feel asleep. It was weird, though - cutting is the last thing I thought about before going to sleep. It kind of makes sense, in a way, because cutting always helped me if I couldn't fall asleep in the past. It was still weird, though.

12:30 a.m. - 2007-02-11

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

self - destruct