All that I have found in reason, is reason just to not believe

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Nothing's ever wrong, but nothing's ever right

I am just so...I dunno, sick of everything, I guess. I don't really know how to explain it. School is so much harder this year than last year, and I am struggling to keep my head above water, but it's taking everything I have to hold on. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to let go.

I don't feel like talking to anyone outside of the girls I live with. Liz and my boyfriend, they just don't get it. Liz always talks about being so stressed out because of work - hello, she works at McDonald's, and she goes home and gets stoned/drunk every fucking night. I would gladly trade places with her. Let her deal with all the homework and the reading and the tests and the papers and then see how stressed out she is. She just doesn't get it. No one gets it. And I feel like a horrible person because I just can't get on the phone with anyone and listen to them talk about what they did last night, or listen to them bitch about their problems. So I just don't. I don't hardly call anyone except for my mom, and I usually don't answer the phone when it rings. What kind of person does that to her friends?

I made an appointment at the counseling center. Yeah, you read that right - the one place I hate the most. But I just can't deal with everything. I need...something. I lie in bed at night and think about all the shit that's going on, and I just can't handle it anymore. I can't. And I'm pretty sure I failed two tests this week, which doesn't make me feel any better. I don't know how to pretend that everything's okay, but then again I feel like there isn't anything really wrong in the first place and I'm just looking for attention/sympathy. Maybe everyone was right all along and I'm just crazy.

11:37 p.m. - 2006-09-30

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self - destruct