All that I have found in reason, is reason just to not believe

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One more time to kill the pain

Well, I thought that Liz was finally getting her life back together. She had a good job, she had semi-moved out of her house, and she broke up with her asshole of a boyfriend. But now she's getting blazed every night even though the doctor told her she had to quit smoking (cigarettes, weed, everything) and she said she was going to lay off the tweak for a while but she just did it not too long ago. She lost her job, and she hasn't even been home since Saturday. Her mom called me on Monday morning, really worried because Liz wouldn't go to work, and asked if she was doing harder drugs than pot. I didn't want to lie, but what was I supposed to do? Rat out my best friend? So I just said I didn't know.

Then I didn't even hear from her until last night, and I didn't really want to talk to her because I'm kind of pissed off that she would just quit her job and disappear like that, leaving me to wonder what the fuck is going on...and she picked up on the fact that I was pissed off but when she asked if I was mad I told her no, I was just tired and stressed out. Then she wanted to know why I was stressed out, because appearently she's the only one that can ever be stressed out. It doesn't matter that I'm in college and I have homework to do and tests to take and I don't sleep enough or study enough and sometimes I just want to scream. She just doesn't understand sometimes, and that's scary because she's the one person who understands me best. And now I think she's just going to leave.

I don't know where she's going or anything, but she asked if I was coming home for the weekend, and I told her probably not because I'm short on cash, and she said that was too bad because she didn't know how much longer she'd be there. And she didn't say anything else about it. I suppose she'll tell me all about it tonight, if she remembers to call, and I'll just have to sit there and nod my head and pretend like I think whatever she's planning on doing is a good idea. What if she does leave? Then what am I supposed to do? She's my best friend - I need her like I need air. I guess she doesn't need me the same way, but that's how we're different. She's pretty much my only friend, and she can make friends just like that.

Anyway, I guess I'll quit ranting and raving about Liz for a while. My Spring Break was pretty awesome. I didn't really do much of anything I planned, but it was still really fun. I got kinda drunk a few times, and pretty high a few times, and did tweak a few times...it was really fun. And then, guess what I did over the weekend? I ROLLED!! It was really aweseome. I'm sorry if anyone reading this is against drugs, but X is a great drug. Seriously. It was so much fun. I can't wait to do it again!!

4:10 p.m. - 2006-03-23

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self - destruct