Questions? Comments? Direct them here.

All that I have found in reason, is reason just to not believe

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In your eyes, I lost my place

I should be studying.

I need to be studying.

But instead I'm on the computer. As usual.

So I had my meeting with the RD today. We went and had lunch - yeah, it was pretty weird. He just kept asking me and asking me about school and grades and shit like that. I try to lie as little as possible - I told him I don't study as much as I should and, usually, I don't study at all. He asked me why and he seemed surprised when I told him I didn't have any self-discipline.

Hey, he asked.

So, like I mentioned before, my boyfriend came and saw me this weekend. My roommate wasn't there, so we had a pretty amazing weekend since we didn't have to worry about being interrupted. The only thing is we sorta did it without a condom a couple of times and I'm not on birth control...I know, I know, it's really stupid and I shouldn't be tempting fate like that because I really CANNOT have a baby right now. But it's so easy to get carried away...

Now I'm just hoping and praying for my period. Honestly, the only time a girl is ever happy to get her period is when she's had unprotected sex and doesn't want to be pregnant. I can't think of any other times when I was happier to start my period.

Anyway. I really wanted to tell him I loved him this weekend. I think I do, but I'm so scared. And I don't even understand why. I guess I just don't want to get hurt. I'm not a very trusting person, anyway. You know that one trust exercise where you fall backwards into the arms of someone else? I can't do it. I can't let myself fall. I guess the same concept applies here. Still, the question remains: How do you know if you're in love with someone?

1:09 a.m. - 2005-12-16

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self - destruct

the rings around your eyes they don't hide

that you need to get some rest

it's all right to make mistakes

you're only human

inside everybody's hiding something...

even at a time like this when you're crawling on the floor

think the pain belongs to you but it's happened to us all...

pick your poison:

a-sad-story
alexiaaa
anadoll
bloodyme
brokenmirror
cut-deeper
cuttersclub
dissolving
enurta
ethereal-red
figmentatus
icut
just-fine
lightgrey
lithorian
lovelyashley
miss-k2
msjessica
onecutabove
pollys-pins
purgingme
rejazz
star-soul
sorrowshadow
suicideinc
x-t-o-r-n-x
xxplaydeadxx
bandchick182
miedema2002