All that I have found in reason, is reason just to not believe

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We're young and we're hopeless

So, Tegan called me about 27 times last night. Okay, so it was more like 3, but it seemed like 27 times. She was drunk. She called me and was telling me about everything going on. She said she didn't even really like the people that she had over, and I was her only real friend because I knew her best. She said her boyfriend hit her, and she didn't know what to do. She said she was sorry for everything, and she knows she was a bitch. She said I was her best friend, but she would understand if she wasn't mine. Basically, empty words just kept falling out of her mouth.

I hate this. She knows what she did and what she said, and she knows that it's not right. But she thinks if she calls me her best friend and tells me how much she misses me, then everything will just go back to the way it was. I'm so sick of it. Nothing she says means anything. She's a liar, and she doesn't care about anyone but herself. She just wants me to feel sorry for her.

Okay, that's a little harsh, but I think it's true. That's all she ever wants: attention. When we were in junior high, after she first moved here, she used to say whatever she thought would make her popular and she lied alot. That pretty much ruined any chance she may have had of being popular. People didn't really like her much, anyways. She was loud and annoying, always laughing too hard at something stupid or acting like she was all that and talking about other people. It embarrassed me sometimes.

Oh, there were good times. There were things we did together that were so stupid and dumb, but it was so funny at the same time. I could never do some of the stuff I did with Tegan with Liz, because Liz would look at me weird. And Tegan and I talked more. We would just sit around and talk forever about nothing. Liz is different - she likes to talk, but she would rather go out and do something. Tegan and I could just hang out and watch movies on a Saturday night, but Liz likes to find out where the party is.

I love Liz to death, and I hate that I let myself be put through all that stupid shit with Tegan over and over, but sometimes I really do miss the way we were.

10:13 a.m. - 2005-12-15

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self - destruct